Speeches

Gastronomia

Speech for the 18th Symposium of Australian Gastronomy

Good evening all  and now I pay respects
To all traditional owners present and past
Gathering here tonight on Ngnunnawal land
To speak, to quaff and gorge on our repast

We also sit tonight in hallowed halls
What stories might these mighty walls impart ?
What morsels did immortals here consume?
And when they rose to speak did any f…(orget their lines)

Outside these walls, upon these well-trod steps
Full many a noble speech has been intoned,
Who could forget the mighty Whitlam wit
When he curs-ed Kerr’s Cur and we all moaned

We gaze upon the noble portraits here
Prime Ministers, oft-times with wives enlaced
We speculate upon their public lives
But did one ever stop to pause and taste?

What stodgy muck from pots below arose
To stink dumbwaiters full of English whiff
Did meat and three veg plus some Yorkshire pud
Command the fare of public servant stiffs?

Or did they love a quail in aspic fine
Pate with Muscat de Beaumes de Venise
Could their big bouches ever be amused
Or only stuffed and sated, never teased

Alas I’m but  the singer, I do not know
You must ask th’historian of this place
To reveal what they drank and what they ate
And whether a dinner e’er fell into disgrace

Tonight our quality is guaranteed
We host the very finest in the land
We want you to your various counties go
And preach the finest words from our fair hand

 In 2013 we one hundred be
One hundred years since this name was pronounced
When Lady Denman stood in yonder paddock
“This place shall be called Canberra” she announced

One hundred years now on our capital
Still celebrates the beauty of her spine
The plan the Griffins splendidly spelt out
Tonight we sit on that historic line

The axis cut through rich pastoral land
But proof is in the growing and sure, still
McArdle’s growing truffles near the airport
And the hundred miles around, our plates can fill

The best of coast and country we embrace
The high plains and the mountains nurture us
Our national capital’s, as planned, paradise
When others whinge we wonder what’s the fuss ?

 Innovation defined us from the start
The contest for a global city ideal
Invention, incubation, followed on
And the nurture of democracy was real

In 2013 it’s what we celebrate
We invite you all to join us in the song
This repository of our national cultural wealth
A place to serve us loyally and long

And you are all now part of this great tale
Please seek our website called Diaspora
Upload your Canberra story for all to see
And keep on wondering how on earth I’m going to find a rhyme for a disapora – well I’m not!

For you particularly love a jape
Full of fun and soon t’be full of taste
You love to push the boat out, love to dare,
Not stagnate in a gastronomic wasteland

 The tales of your symposia have spread wide
From rubbish to wisdom worthy of King Tut
From patina-ed Persian Fairy Floss so light
To Bilson’s surrealistic blood and gut

Ce soir nous mangerons comme les francaises
Madame le chef La Jeffs est une gourmande
Elle aime beaucoup en champs sons petits cochons
Mais pas probleme les presents a table grand

And so we come to celebrate the food
Let us eat up! And be both French and gay!
For though we chatter, laugh and treat our tongues
Who knows what diet strikes after today?

Can it be true one always pays for sin?
For every oyster, every bubbly glass
Someone high or below is taking count
And reckoning in inches on our arse?

I think not friends, e’en though thy bum be big
It’s not because you took such pleasure in food
It’s more a payment p’haps for sitting down
Or just cos your metabolism weren’t so good

So let us eat and drink, be free of guilt
Let’s raise a toast to camaraderie
To wit and wisdom in the Capital
And all in praise of this Gastronomy!

To Gastronomy!